Saturday, April 14, 2007

Arranged Marriage

The past few months have been desi marriage season, desi's like to get married in winters for a lot of reasons, including but not limited to winter vacations and Christmas break in the western world and nice weather. Of course with marriage bells all around people tend to talk about the subject and me thinks bloggers have been at it in a big way. Mostly ladies writing about the whole arranged marriage "arrangement". Some have been bitter and some just plain sad at the whole process. Ladies I feel for you, honestly I do but ever wonder what the other side goes through. here's just a glimpse.

Mind you the guy is a guest at the girl's place.

(After the initial introductions and ice breaking, lots of ice is needed to be broken because of all the tension in the environment)

Q. Girls Mom: So beta What did you study.
Answer. Aunty I did my Masters in Environmental Sciences.

Q. Girls Mom: Beta Environmental Sciences, I thought you did Engineering.
Answer. (Thinking Why did I say Sciences when its an engineering degree) Jee its an engineering degree, Environmental Engineering.

Aunty thinks (I knew it, he's a Liar)
Q. Girls Mom: How is the job market?
Answer: its really good, there are a lot of jobs, its an emerging market.

The questions slowly progress from the "not so normal" to absurd and the whole team(yes there is a team) of interrogators start questioning. Thankfully the males in the interrogation team do not ask questions they are just there to observe the expressions, gauge and access what is being said, they wont say much while you are there but will be sure they know you better then you when you leave.

Q. Girl's Aunt: Beta jee do you smoke?
Answer: Jee just socially very little and im planning on quitting before marrying, I dont want to smoke in front of children in the house.
(Aunty thinks yeah right! - guy is actually pissed off by now and wants to say "With you people anywhere near me I'd probably start on dope")

Q. Girls married Sister: Do you drink? (point blank no breather)
Answer: No I do NOT
(all of them think not possible, how can it be, he's certainly a liar. Guy needs a galon of Vodka straight by now just for this ordeal to end.)

The questions go one, the guy very respectfully answers all questions and is thankful when the whole thing is over. This interview was just one part of the process, The girls family is on the phone as soon as the guy departs, they have interrogated him well. They have the information they need. They will track down every single one of his acquaintances from school to university and start their background checks. They will get their "people" in government to open an inquiry into his past, They will find some high up in the ISI to dig dirt on him, and if there are any skeletons in his past, even if they are from ages ago with no bearing on the present the guy has had it.

So ladies, the whole desi/muslim marriage process (including issues after marriage) is archaic and sad. It effects everyone, the good thing is that some things are changing, and it is us who have to be agents of change and progress. It is us who have to be rational when others are not and hopefully when we are at a stage when our kids are getting married we will not do what our elders have been doing for generations.

10 comments:

Wanda said...

Wow...that is so interesting!
I will be visiting your post often.

Wanda said...

Thanks for the tip...just went to globalthemes....nice! Thanks for a new post to visit.

Annie said...

I have always wondered about this whole process. It's more grueling than I thought. Thanks for sharing your views on the male's situation in part of this process.

And thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment yesterday. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Shaykhspeara Sha'ira said...

lolllll that is just hillarious, sorry for being so insensetive...Thank God my mother is swedish and I don't have to go through that.

But having said that, I have never thought it was easy for the male side so I appreciate the suffering. Hang in there munda jee!

Radha said...

Hehehe! That was so funny...did it actually happened to you? :)
But I dont think arranged marriages are that bad anymore. At least in urban India. The prospective bride-n-groom often go on unsupervised dates, they have emails & mobile phones, they get to know each other before making up their minds; its a lot better than what it used to be.
In any case, I do sympathise with the guys & the girls who have to go thru those due-deligence & scrutiny sessions! :))

Optimistic Guard said...

Thanks for stopping by wanda, a lot of interesting things happen in this part of the world. I'v been enjoying global themes for quite some time, im not much of a photographer otherwise i would have loved to join.

Welcome annie, the process is quite gruelling, but things are changing for the better.

Shaykhspeara, lol at being insensitive you goras are like that, or I should have said EBCD's.

Hi Radha, i was away because my comp had decided to give me a break, NO it did not happen to me thank God. I know things are changing, becoming a bit better but still a lot needs to change.

Wanda said...

I can't believe you only get rain twice a year. I so enjoy our rain, not like Oregon, where in rains days on end....but here we get it, and then it leaves us for a while to enjoy the clear skies and sunshine.
Have a great day today!

Lotus Reads said...

A humorous post which so nicely reflects the absurdity of arranged marriages, Indian esh-tyle. When I am bored I actually look at the matrimonial advertisments in our community newspapers...those little classifieds speak volumes about our marriage market. Sheesh!

Nice post Optimism!

Diligent Candy said...

LOL! I know I should be serious and all, but this totally cracked me up.

Aisha said...

Thanks for the other perspective in an entertaining manner.

I used to think arranged introductions have their place, I met my husband that way... but as I see more of my friends (guys and girls) get hurt by the process I dont see how its any better than other methods like meeting and falling in love on your own.... I dont see how its any more noble to judge both men and women on such superficial standards....

Its sad.