Arranged Marriage

The past few months have been desi marriage season, desi's like to get married in winters for a lot of reasons, including but not limited to winter vacations and Christmas break in the western world and nice weather. Of course with marriage bells all around people tend to talk about the subject and me thinks bloggers have been at it in a big way. Mostly ladies writing about the whole arranged marriage "arrangement". Some have been bitter and some just plain sad at the whole process. Ladies I feel for you, honestly I do but ever wonder what the other side goes through. here's just a glimpse.

Mind you the guy is a guest at the girl's place.

(After the initial introductions and ice breaking, lots of ice is needed to be broken because of all the tension in the environment)

Q. Girls Mom: So beta What did you study.
Answer. Aunty I did my Masters in Environmental Sciences.

Q. Girls Mom: Beta Environmental Sciences, I thought you did Engineering.
Answer. (Thinking Why did I say Sciences when its an engineering degree) Jee its an engineering degree, Environmental Engineering.

Aunty thinks (I knew it, he's a Liar)
Q. Girls Mom: How is the job market?
Answer: its really good, there are a lot of jobs, its an emerging market.

The questions slowly progress from the "not so normal" to absurd and the whole team(yes there is a team) of interrogators start questioning. Thankfully the males in the interrogation team do not ask questions they are just there to observe the expressions, gauge and access what is being said, they wont say much while you are there but will be sure they know you better then you when you leave.

Q. Girl's Aunt: Beta jee do you smoke?
Answer: Jee just socially very little and im planning on quitting before marrying, I dont want to smoke in front of children in the house.
(Aunty thinks yeah right! - guy is actually pissed off by now and wants to say "With you people anywhere near me I'd probably start on dope")

Q. Girls married Sister: Do you drink? (point blank no breather)
Answer: No I do NOT
(all of them think not possible, how can it be, he's certainly a liar. Guy needs a galon of Vodka straight by now just for this ordeal to end.)

The questions go one, the guy very respectfully answers all questions and is thankful when the whole thing is over. This interview was just one part of the process, The girls family is on the phone as soon as the guy departs, they have interrogated him well. They have the information they need. They will track down every single one of his acquaintances from school to university and start their background checks. They will get their "people" in government to open an inquiry into his past, They will find some high up in the ISI to dig dirt on him, and if there are any skeletons in his past, even if they are from ages ago with no bearing on the present the guy has had it.

So ladies, the whole desi/muslim marriage process (including issues after marriage) is archaic and sad. It effects everyone, the good thing is that some things are changing, and it is us who have to be agents of change and progress. It is us who have to be rational when others are not and hopefully when we are at a stage when our kids are getting married we will not do what our elders have been doing for generations.

I always thought . . .

And I always thought blogging was easy, no way is it easy. I mean I just started and can't keep up. I'm liking the whole experience thing, but my computer got a "disease" and when I got it fixed I figured I'd post something on Friday, come Friday my employers who I think would shame Hitler himself in their wickedness "ordered" me to spend the whole day at a seminar, well at least the location was amazing I hadn't been to that resort before and the food was good. So I am tired, and taking Saturday off.

Met this lady at the seminar, Austrian. Seemed like she had done her fair share of traveling around the world and said that the UAE is one of the worst with traffic, tell me about it. Apparently she worked at the transportation Department in Austria and was appalled at the conditions here. She wanted to know why with so much resources nothing was being done, "no planning at all" she says. I told her oh there's planning, lots of it, come back in a couple of years and you'll see a metro in place. "Metro's gonna give you bull shit" she says, I had to remind her that we had camels in the sand land and regretfully no bulls. I asked her why she said that and she said for public transport to work, the network had to be amazing, according to her experience what is being planned for Dubai is not gonna do any good. And here I was hoping the roads will be open for me to drive around on, tut tut, we don't always get what we want do we.